well, things got a little shaky there for a couple of weeks, but we're back now. in life and blog form. purportedly dire surgical pronouncements notwithstanding, i think everything has begun to stabilise somewhat. having the concept of amputation usefully proffered to you is, it must be said, a reasonably visceral experience. but with the gift of a few weeks, it becomes easier to recast the results in a more positive light; indeed, i'm probably facing up to the best possible outcome given the size and placement of the tumour. amputation was probably always going to be the surgical option on offer, they just didn't tell me. and i didn't ask. easier for everyone that way. but the fact that i'm currently in a position where i have an option over whether or not to indulge in surgery is very fortunate. had my tumour's response to the treatment been less than total, the choice regarding the amputation may have been correspondingly less than equivocal. as is, there's still plenty of uncertainty in my long-term prospects - sarcomas are notoriously aggressive - but plenty of reason to believe that a reasonably non-traumatic outcome could be on the cards. and hell, if nothing else this probably just accelerates my repatriation to melbourne - i have my last dose of chemo on the 21st of june, so could conceivably return at some point in july. we'll have to wait and see though. which seems to be the general shape of things at the moment. uncertainty gives your life an odd cast; a depthlessness, or free-floating lassitude. but maybe that's just a vague lethargy brought on by the hardcore regimen of radiation and high-powered cytotoxins they're feeding me. actually, come to think of it, that's much more likely...
...................................
but enough self-important existential wrangling. on to the links!
1. sorry i missed your party: a guy trawls through flickr to find and post people's obscure party photos. almost as much fun as being there.
2. crash bonsai: cute and quirky art project where miniature cars are made to crash into miniature trees to create minature models. adorably tragic.
3. the psychology of wine: a piece from the new york times on the various factors contributing to people's appreciation of wine. validates my inability to really distinguish wine types.
4. a stunning piece of video/street art by buenos aires based artist 'blu'
5. a reasonably well-done video on the social absurdities of facebook. chortle.
6. a spike jonze directed skate video set to m83's 'lower your eyelids to die with the dawn'. also has lots of explosions. like skateboarding in the somme.
more soon. i promise.
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3 comments:
Don't make me campaign on the absolute necessity of self important existential wrangling.
Because you know I will.
Dire circumstances? Naught but a good story to tell people later, I say.
Be good to yourself. Read lots of books (dude, read margaret atwood, but DONT read bodily harm), with tea, in bed, drink lots of wine, laugh alot, all those things they put in readers digset. Hey, even try the living The Way Of Hannah! Trust me, you'll know you're alive :).
And I wont say a word on over intellectualizing your circumstances. Thats your field.
Heart! :D.
Play on, I say. Play on!
h.
Hello hello. Long time reader, first time writer. I just came across this rather fetching garment, and I thought it was just the thing to take advantage of having two arms.
http://www.gotcancer.org/store/detail/52688007/169/iChemo-(blue)-White-T-Shirt---
keep up the brilliant blogging, and good luck with everything.
Keep up the fine blogging. A Google search of the words "bonsai" and "sarcomas" already lands you at number 10 (that's the first page of hits) - I don't see any reason why your blog shouldn't take the coveted number one bonsai/sarcomas position if you apply yourself.
Now for some good news - a movie that may well feature you is currently taking North American theatres by storm. The bad news is that, by all accounts, it's unwatchably awful. But if you're reading Margaret Atwood, you might as well watch this one too. It's called "88 Minutes." Look out for yourself and all your friends among the hordes of student extras orbiting Al Pacino like scraps of debris around the sun.
Wishing you luck in the days ahead.
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